Having it all comes with a price!

[Beetle]

[Oldman]

This just in..... Woods named athlete of the decade. No shit. No wonder Santa cant hang.

[trouthemp]

.....

[Trout Maharishi]

[Trout Maharishi]

It is near the Christmas break for the school year. The teachers students

have turned in all their work and there is really nothing more to do. All
the

children are restless and the teacher decides to grant an early dismissal.

Teacher: "Whomever answers my questions first can leave early today."

Little Johnny says to himself, "Good, I want to get outta here. I'll answer
the

question."

Teacher: "Who said, 'Four Score and Seven Years Ago'?"

Before Johnny can open his mouth, Susie says, "Abraham Lincoln."

Teacher: "That's right Susie, you can go home."

Johnny is mad that Susie answered the question first.

Teacher: "Who said, 'I Have a Dream'?"

Before Johnny can open his mouth, Mary says, "Martin Luther King."

Teacher: "That's right Mary, you can go."

Johnny is even madder than before.

Teacher: "Who said, 'Ask not, what your country can do for you'?"

Before Johnny can open his mouth, Nancy says, "John Kennedy."

Teacher: "That's right Nancy , you may also leave."

Johnny is boiling mad that he has not been able to answer any of the

questions.

When the teacher turns her back Johnny says, "I wish these bitches would

keep their mouths shut!"

The teacher turns around: "WHO SAID THAT?"

Johnny: "TIGER WOODS. CAN I GO NOW?"

[flynhokies]

bwahahahaha

[troutfreak]

I knew he was screwed when he got married, big dumbass thing to do, when yougot millions rolling in!  He could have whoever he wants, but he just had to get married.  Smart at golf, dumb at life!

[Al]

Here is a clean take on it - last line pretty well sums it up.


Twas the night before Christmas and out of the house

Tiger Woods came a flyin', chased by his spouse.

She wielded a nine iron and wasn't too merry,

Cause a bimbo's phone number was in his Blackberry.


He'd been cheatin' on Elin, and the story progressed.

Woman after woman stepped up and confessed.

He'd been cheatin' with Holly, and Jaimee, and Cori,

With Joselyn and Kalika, the world had the story.


From the top of the Tour to the basement of blues,

Tiger's sad sordid tale was all over the news.

With hostesses, waitresses, he had lots of sex,

When not in their pants, he was sendin' them texts.


Despite all his cryin' and beggin' and pleadin',

Tiger's wife went investin' – a new home in Sweden.

And I heard her exclaim from her White Escalade,

"If you're out getting' laid then I'm gettin' paid."


She's not pouting, in fact, she is of jolly good cheer,

Her prenup made Christmas come early this year.